Laughing matters

[Leonvdb]

Do you know that when a woman wears a leather dress.......
a man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry,
he gets weak in the knees,
AND he begins to think totally irrationally.
Ever stop to wonder why?

Leather.jpg (14.73 KiB) Viewed 2229 times

Well……
It's because she smells like a new bakkie !!

[gordini]

Late Night Call to the Vet
A dog lover whose dog was a female and "in heat", agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while the neighbors were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as so frequently happens when dogs "do it".
Unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she phoned the vet, who answered in a very grumpy and somewhat angered voice.

Having heard the problem explained to him, the vet said, "Hang
up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will call you back and
the noise of the ringing will startle the male dog, quickly causing him to
lose his erection, and he will withdraw very quickly."

"Do you really think that will work?" she asked.

"It just worked for me," he replied."

[Insomnia]

.

[gordini]

ONE FOR ALL THE OLD CODGERS!!!!

There was a family gathering, with all generations around the table.

Mischievous teenagers put a Viagra tablet into Grandpa's drink, and after a while, Grandpa excused himself because he had to go to the bathroom.

When he returned, however, his trousers are wet all over.

'What happened, Grandpa?' asked by his concerned children.

'Well,' he answered, 'I don't really know.
I had to go to the bathroom. So I took it out and started to pee, but then I saw that it wasn't mine, so I put it back!'

[gordini]

A guy and a girl meet at a bar





They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.


A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.




He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands.
The girl has been watching him and says:




"You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says:
"Yes .... How did you figure that out?"
"Easy.." she replies, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing leads to another and they make love.
After it's over the girl says: "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with an inflated ego, says:
"Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
The girl replies:....



"Didn't feel a thing."

[Leonvdb]

[Mopar 440]

[Insomnia]

[gordini]

Birth Control the Irish Way

Mrs. Donovan was walking down
O'Connell Street in Dublin when
she met up with Father Flaherty.

The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' To ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan And
didn't I marry ye and yer Hoosband two years ago?'


She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'


The Father asked, 'And be there
Any wee little ones yet?'


She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'


The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week And
I'll light a fertility candle for ye And yer hoosband.'


She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father...'
They then parted ways..


Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, 'Well now,
Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me ,
Have ye any wee ones yet?'


She replied, 'Oh yes, Father!
Two sets of twins and six singles,
Ten in all!'


The Father said, 'That's wonderful!
And how is yer loving hoosband doing?'


She replied, 'E's gone to Rome
to blow out yer fookin' candle.'

[gordini]

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether
or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup
and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because
it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed
near the window?"