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7 days a week laugh.
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Re: 7 days a week laugh.
Ters.
When it comes to the wife its easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission!
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- Burnthosetyres
- Posts: 2848
- Joined: Mon 22 Nov 2010, 15:58
- Location: Durban (Home of Sharks rugby) RSA
Re: 7 days a week laugh.
The Truth..... always!
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'A Camaro is a little animal that eats Mustangs!'
Re: 7 days a week laugh.
(O O {]{]{]||[}[}[} O O)
- gordini
- Posts: 5363
- Joined: Tue 08 Jan 2008, 18:16
- Location: Where the whiner in the recliner is....
- Contact:
Re: 7 days a week laugh.
KEEPING SENIORS BUSY..
Yesterday, my daughter again asked me why I didn't do something
useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something
useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She said that she was "only thinking about me", and suggested that I
go down to the senior center, and hang out with the other
old guys. I did this.
When I got home last night, I decided to teach her a lesson about
staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She said, "Are you nuts? You're 70 years old, and you're
going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I proudly showed her that I even had a membership card.
She looked at it and said, "Good grief Dad, where are your
glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club,
not a Parachute Club."
I told her, "Then I'm in real trouble because I've signed
up for five jumps a week. "
Yesterday, my daughter again asked me why I didn't do something
useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something
useful" seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She said that she was "only thinking about me", and suggested that I
go down to the senior center, and hang out with the other
old guys. I did this.
When I got home last night, I decided to teach her a lesson about
staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She said, "Are you nuts? You're 70 years old, and you're
going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I proudly showed her that I even had a membership card.
She looked at it and said, "Good grief Dad, where are your
glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club,
not a Parachute Club."
I told her, "Then I'm in real trouble because I've signed
up for five jumps a week. "
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
- gordini
- Posts: 5363
- Joined: Tue 08 Jan 2008, 18:16
- Location: Where the whiner in the recliner is....
- Contact:
Re: 7 days a week laugh.
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD, AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips, an elderly man, from Houtbay Cape Town, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
It’s a True Story and I LOVE IT!
“Don't mess with old people”
George Phillips, an elderly man, from Houtbay Cape Town, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
It’s a True Story and I LOVE IT!
“Don't mess with old people”
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
Re: 7 days a week laugh.
Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and pursuade them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy)
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" "Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, "This is your asshole before prison...."
Ters.
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?"
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd guy)
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" "Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, "This is your asshole before prison...."
Ters.
When it comes to the wife its easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission!
AMC Forum now accessible on Tapatalk! http://www.tsclassicclinic.co.za/
AMC Forum now accessible on Tapatalk! http://www.tsclassicclinic.co.za/
- gordini
- Posts: 5363
- Joined: Tue 08 Jan 2008, 18:16
- Location: Where the whiner in the recliner is....
- Contact:
Re: 7 days a week laugh.
Research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. You still have sex – occasionally - and if you do, you only have it in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say, 'F*you.'
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
* This is when you cannot stand your wife / husband any more. He / she takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
and last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Pension Sex.
* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
** PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.
I have enough problems of my own!!
The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
* This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you have sex until you are blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
* This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. You still have sex – occasionally - and if you do, you only have it in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
* This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say, 'F*you.'
The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
* Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
* This is when you cannot stand your wife / husband any more. He / she takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
and last, but not least, the 7th kind of sex is called: Pension Sex.
* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
** PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.
I have enough problems of my own!!
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
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