Laughing matters

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Insomnia
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Re: Laughing matters

Post by Insomnia » Wed 21 Aug 2013, 13:11

:lol:
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gordini
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Re: Laughing matters

Post by gordini » Mon 26 Aug 2013, 15:47

A pirate walked into a bar, and the publican said,

"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a
cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The publican replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook?

What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and
got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook
but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds
flew over. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."


"You're kidding," said the publican.
"You couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit."


"It was my first day with the hook."
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..



From Malmesbury

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neresh
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Location: durban - south africa

Re: Laughing matters

Post by neresh » Mon 26 Aug 2013, 17:02

:lol: :lol:
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First V8
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Re: Laughing matters

Post by First V8 » Mon 26 Aug 2013, 20:17

Piet haat sy vrou se kat en besluit op n dag om ontslae te raak van die kat.

Hy vat die kat en ry so 2km ver en smyt hom uit die kar uit.

Toe hy by die huis kom wag die kat vir hom.

Weer laai hy die kat en ry so 5kilos weg en smyt hom uit.

Kom by die huis en hier wag die kat vir hom.

Hy laai weer die kat en ry n moerse ent. Dan links, dan regs, dan 'n ent
terug, dan weer links en regs vir kilos en gooi uiteindelik die kat weer
uit.

Na n ruk bel hy sy vrou en vra of die kat by die huis is.

Ja, se sy hoekom?

Hy antwoord 'Gee die foon vir die @~<# kat. Ek het in my moer in
verdwaal!
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gordini
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Re: Laughing matters

Post by gordini » Tue 27 Aug 2013, 11:37

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50/70
Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you
have plenty of room at each side.

With a 2kg potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight
out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.
Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you'll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.
After a couple of weeks, move up to 5kg potato bags.

Then try 25kg potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you
can lift a 50kg potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight
for more than a full minute. (I'm at this level.)


After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..



From Malmesbury

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Insomnia
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Re: Laughing matters

Post by Insomnia » Tue 27 Aug 2013, 13:05

.
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Insomnia
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Re: Laughing matters

Post by Insomnia » Tue 27 Aug 2013, 15:11

.
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Insomnia
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Re: Laughing matters

Post by Insomnia » Thu 29 Aug 2013, 15:53

Mr.Miagi
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gordini
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Re: Laughing matters

Post by gordini » Thu 29 Aug 2013, 16:55

When you are over fifty who gives a damn ?
>
>
> This asshole of a girl looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said,
> "Is that Tooheys or Fosters?"
> I said, "There's a tap underneath. Taste it and find out."
>
> ***********
> I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
> She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
> I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
>
> ***********
> I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born
> just by feeling her boobs.
> "Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
> After about thirty seconds of fondling her nipples she began to lose patience and said.
> "Come on, what day was I born"?
> I said, “Yesterday."
>
> ***********
> I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
> The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
>
> ***********
> I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.
> I said, "Great legs."
> The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
> I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
> ***********
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..



From Malmesbury

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Insomnia
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Joined: Tue 07 Jul 2009, 12:29
Location: Bergbron ,Johannesburg

Re: Laughing matters

Post by Insomnia » Fri 30 Aug 2013, 14:42

.
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