Good one
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- gordini
- Posts: 5363
- Joined: Tue 08 Jan 2008, 18:16
- Location: Where the whiner in the recliner is....
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Good one
A man goes to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.
The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting. The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud.
'This is not the 1928 Mouton.'
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people surrounding the table including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton. Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
'My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine.'
Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928.
"I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them
into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location."
Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him,'When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance in geographic location makes."
The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting. The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud.
'This is not the 1928 Mouton.'
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty people surrounding the table including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton. Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.
'My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine.'
Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928.
"I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them
into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location."
Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him,'When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small distance in geographic location makes."
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
- FairmontGT
- Site Admin
- Posts: 2167
- Joined: Wed 11 Apr 2007, 03:49
- Location: Potchefstroom RSA
- Contact:
Re: Good one
Dis baie snaaks! Brilliant.
Yes we did build muscle cars in RSA!!!!
http://www.africanmusclecars.com
http://www.africanmusclecars.com
- gordini
- Posts: 5363
- Joined: Tue 08 Jan 2008, 18:16
- Location: Where the whiner in the recliner is....
- Contact:
Re: Good one
A guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said "Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on."
She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6." He thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine he got lost again.
He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on." She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13." Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.
When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living.
"I'm in sales."
He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?"
She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh.
He promised. She said, "I sell tampons".
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".
He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. I'm still one hole behind you."
She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6." He thanked her and continued playing golf. On the back nine he got lost again.
He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. "I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on." She told him "You are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13." Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.
When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living.
"I'm in sales."
He replied "no kidding so am I. What do you sell?"
She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh.
He promised. She said, "I sell tampons".
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, "You promised you wouldn't laugh".
He replied "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it. I sell toilet paper. I'm still one hole behind you."
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
- gordini
- Posts: 5363
- Joined: Tue 08 Jan 2008, 18:16
- Location: Where the whiner in the recliner is....
- Contact:
Hondepille
I was buying a large bag of Eukanuba dog food at Pick 'n Pay and standing in
a queue at the check-out. A woman behind me asked if I
had a dog.
On impulse, I told her no, I was starting the Eukanuba Diet again, although
I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in hospital last time, but that
I'd lost 22 kilos before I awoke in an intensive care unit with tubes coming
out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that all you do is
load your pockets with Eukanuba nuggets and simply eat one or two every time
you feel hungry. And I told her that the food is nutritionally complete so I
was going to try it again. I have to mention here that by now, practically
everyone in the queue was enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who
was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in hospital in that condition because
I'd been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the
street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard
as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow... why else would I buy dog food?
a queue at the check-out. A woman behind me asked if I
had a dog.
On impulse, I told her no, I was starting the Eukanuba Diet again, although
I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in hospital last time, but that
I'd lost 22 kilos before I awoke in an intensive care unit with tubes coming
out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that all you do is
load your pockets with Eukanuba nuggets and simply eat one or two every time
you feel hungry. And I told her that the food is nutritionally complete so I
was going to try it again. I have to mention here that by now, practically
everyone in the queue was enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who
was behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in hospital in that condition because
I'd been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the
street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard
as he staggered out the door.
Stupid cow... why else would I buy dog food?
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
- gordini
- Posts: 5363
- Joined: Tue 08 Jan 2008, 18:16
- Location: Where the whiner in the recliner is....
- Contact:
Re: Good one
A tour bus driver has a bus full of senior citizens. As he’s driving, the bus driver gets tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady.
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully eats.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch of peanuts, the bus driver asks the little old lady why she doesn`t eat them.
"We can`t chew them because we`ve got no teeth", she says.
So, the puzzled driver asks, ?Why do you buy them then?"
The little old lady replies, "We just love the chocolate around them!!"
She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully eats.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch of peanuts, the bus driver asks the little old lady why she doesn`t eat them.
"We can`t chew them because we`ve got no teeth", she says.
So, the puzzled driver asks, ?Why do you buy them then?"
The little old lady replies, "We just love the chocolate around them!!"
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
- gordini
- Posts: 5363
- Joined: Tue 08 Jan 2008, 18:16
- Location: Where the whiner in the recliner is....
- Contact:
Re: Good one
BEST DRUNK STORY OF THE MONTH...
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and
says: 'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked.
Man, she is one fine looking woman!'
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.
His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says:
'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says.
'Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk !'
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink.
Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table.
He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and
says: 'I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked.
Man, she is one fine looking woman!'
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word.
His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says:
'I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!'
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, 'I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!'
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says.
'Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk !'
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
- gordini
- Posts: 5363
- Joined: Tue 08 Jan 2008, 18:16
- Location: Where the whiner in the recliner is....
- Contact:
Re: Good one
N ou sit by die bar en raak ketting dronk!! Uiteindelik besluit hy dis tyd om huis toe te gaan en staan op van die stoel af.....maar hy is so dronk dat hy nie kan regop staan nie en val net daar inmekaar in n hoop op die vloer. Hy dog toe...as hy nie kan loop nie sal hy homself by die barr uitsleep...en hy kruip-sleep homself uit die bar uit.
Buit gekom probeer hy weer opstaan maar val weer net daar en dan plat op sy gesig in die modder! Hy besluit om maar huis toe te kruip.
By die huis le hy toe flenters en besmeer op die stoep en probeer sy sleutel in die slot in kry toe die deur skielik oopmaak...en sy vrou staan daar!!!
"Jy't jouself weer heeltemaal onkapabel gesuip ne"!!!! se sy vir hom.
"Haai mammie....hoe't jy dit geweet??" vra hy van die vloer af.
"Jy't weer jou rolstoel by die bar gelos!!!" antwoord sy!
Buit gekom probeer hy weer opstaan maar val weer net daar en dan plat op sy gesig in die modder! Hy besluit om maar huis toe te kruip.
By die huis le hy toe flenters en besmeer op die stoep en probeer sy sleutel in die slot in kry toe die deur skielik oopmaak...en sy vrou staan daar!!!
"Jy't jouself weer heeltemaal onkapabel gesuip ne"!!!! se sy vir hom.
"Haai mammie....hoe't jy dit geweet??" vra hy van die vloer af.
"Jy't weer jou rolstoel by die bar gelos!!!" antwoord sy!
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
- gordini
- Posts: 5363
- Joined: Tue 08 Jan 2008, 18:16
- Location: Where the whiner in the recliner is....
- Contact:
Re: Good one
Van in Paris
Van goes to the top house of ill repute in Paris.
He goes up to the Madam and asks,.. "I want your best girl !!".
The Madam then calls her top girl, and the two of them go upstairs.
Two minutes later the girl comes down the stairs screaming,
"Nevair ! nevair ! 'ow can you ask me zat ?"
The Madam is absolutely astounded, as that this has never
happened before, but never the less she sends up her second best girl.
Two minutes later the girl also comes down the stairs screaming,
"Nevair ! nevair ! 'ow can you ask me zat ?"
The Madam is now intensely curious, since she has experienced
everything and is totally unshockable, she then decides that SHE must
go upstairs and service this client herself.
Two minutes later the Madam also comes down the stairs
screaming, "Nevair ! nevair ! 'ow can you ask me zat ?"
Some guys sitting at the bar and ask her what the hell was going on.
She replies, " 'e vants to pay me in Rands !!!"
Van goes to the top house of ill repute in Paris.
He goes up to the Madam and asks,.. "I want your best girl !!".
The Madam then calls her top girl, and the two of them go upstairs.
Two minutes later the girl comes down the stairs screaming,
"Nevair ! nevair ! 'ow can you ask me zat ?"
The Madam is absolutely astounded, as that this has never
happened before, but never the less she sends up her second best girl.
Two minutes later the girl also comes down the stairs screaming,
"Nevair ! nevair ! 'ow can you ask me zat ?"
The Madam is now intensely curious, since she has experienced
everything and is totally unshockable, she then decides that SHE must
go upstairs and service this client herself.
Two minutes later the Madam also comes down the stairs
screaming, "Nevair ! nevair ! 'ow can you ask me zat ?"
Some guys sitting at the bar and ask her what the hell was going on.
She replies, " 'e vants to pay me in Rands !!!"
In my old age...
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
i drink a tripple,i see double and i act single..
From Malmesbury
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